Who do you give your power to?
Photo by Thomas Kinto on Unsplash
I see this happening a lot. Perhaps because I am very familiar with this pattern, having done it so many times myself.
We give our power away to others.
Sometimes consciously.
Sometimes unconsciously.
We say yes to people (when we really mean — hmmm, no thanks) because we don’t want to let them down.
We say of course (when we really mean — aaaahhh no) because we don’t want others to think badly of us.
We say no problem (when we really mean — that is the last thing I want to do right now) because we find it hard to push back and potentially upset others.
What we are doing in each one of these scenarios is betraying ourselves. We are saying that the other person’s needs and desires are more important than our own. We are sacrificing what is important to us to make it okay for them.
And we end up pleasing everyone else at our own expense.
Working late at night to finish that thing you said you would do. Missing time with the family because you are busy fixing someone else’s problem. Sitting at a dinner you don’t want to be at when you could be home recharging and relaxing.
Burning out and feeling exhausted because you are meeting other people’s priorities and not your own.
It’s a high price to pay.
Yet some of us still choose it.
Why is that?
What doesn’t help is living in a culture that rewards and supports this type of behaviour.
“X is such a great person… they bent over backwards to get that thing done for me”
And those who honour themselves and say no are seen as difficult, unhelpful, or selfish.
When we link our self-worth to the value others place on us — it is a dangerous dance. We rise and fall by the views of others. We are either amazing or not good enough.
It’s time to honour yourself. Carve out time for you. Do the things that make you happy. Fill your tank first.
Who are you giving your power away to?
Stop!
Take it back. Say no (with respect and kindness). Healthy boundaries are a precious commodity.
Own it.
Live it.
It’s your birth-right.
